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Quotations, Misquotations and Great Moments
(you had to be there)

"What are the specs on this thing?" "Oh, those are just bugs; they'll wash off." --MST3K I believe in God, only I spell it Nature. --Frank Lloyd Wright
Free fall is free float. --Equivalence Principle as stated by Wheeler Inertia here arises from mass there. --Mach Principle
Backwards ran the sentences until reeled the mind --The New Yorker, about Time Magazine Never go to sea with two chronometers -- take one or three. --Ancient adage
Fog In Channel, Continent Cut Off --British newspaper headline No matter where you go, there you are. --Buckaroo Banzai
I've been ionized, but I'm OK now. --Buckaroo Banzai One heat-seeking missile and he's history. --Buckaroo Banzai
Conventionality is not morality. Self-righteousness is not religion. To attack the first is not to assail the last. --Charlotte Bronte The designer of a new kind of system must participate fully in the implementation. --Donald E. Knuth
Most people use statistics the way a drunkard uses a lamp post, more for support than illumination. --Mark Twain Premature optimization is the root of all evil in programming. --C.A.R. Hoare
Don't make me remember this chili dog forever! --Singles Good work is always done in defiance of management. --R. Woodward
Objects in calendar are closer than they appear. --Jim Duncan Don't anthropomorphize computers. They don't like it. --Stefan Chakerian
I would pay a lot of money to see this movie with a vegetarian. --Anthony Lane on "Braveheart" Anybody who thinks a little 9,000-line program that's distributed free and can be cloned by anyone is going to affect anything we do at Microsoft has his head screwed on wrong. --Bill Gates on Java
Is it not, then, better to be ridiculous and friendly than clever and hostile? --Socrates Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names. --John F. Kennedy
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education. --Mark Twain I think there is a world market for maybe five computers. --Thomas Watson, IBM CEO, 1943
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home. --Ken Olson, DEC CEO, 1977 One ought, everyday, to hear a song, read a fine poem, and, if possible, to speak a few reasonable words. --Goethe
I'd rather stick needles in my eyes. --Jack Nicholson, "Terms of Endearment" I want my plaster of paris bagel with cream cheese and I want it now! - After Hours
How do I talk to Isabel? --Crossing Delancey If Jesus Christ came back and saw what's going on in his name, he'd never stop throwing up. --Hannah and her Sisters
I have my answer. I have my answer! I'm walking on air. --Hannah and her Sisters Is it big? Because I've got a lot of wall space. I've got a Frank Stella. Big! Weird! If you look at that Stella too long, the colors just seem to float. Weird! --Hannah and her Sisters
I'm a wetback now! --The Right Stuff Just because I ask for something with a little puce in it you've got to fly off the handle! --Hannah and her Sisters
"Last month you thought you had melanoma." "Naturally, the sudden appearance of a black spot on my back!" "It was on your shirt." --Hannah and her Sisters I can't let them go into my skull! Once they go into my skull I'll wind up like the guy with the wool cap who delivers for the florist! --Hannah and her Sisters
And then there's Nietsche, with his theory of eternal recurrence. The life we live we'll have to live over and over again for eternity. Great, that means I'll have to sit through the ice capades again. --Hannah and her Sisters What part of NO don't you understand? --Lorrie Morgan lyric
Mickey, I'm pregnant! --Hannah and her Sisters I have this terrible pain in all the diodes down my left side. --Marvin the paranoid android
A brain the size of a planet and I've been parking cars for the last ten million years. --Marvin Zaphod, he's just this guy, you know? --Hitchhiker's Guide
Just who is this God person anyway? --Hitchhiker's Guide 42 --Hitchhiker's Guide
Here we are in New York. We're surrounded by people and cars and restaurants. How can we suddenly just disappear? --Hannah and her Sisters Boy, love is so unpredictable. --Hannah and her Sisters
Hand over that baby, you warthog from Hell! --Raising Arizona Would you like to touch my hair? --After Hours
Would you like a ride in my Mister Softee truck? --After Hours I thought I'd come downtown, meet a nice girl, maybe have some fun, and now I have to die for it? --After Hours
"Poetry?" "Pickles." --Crossing Delancey "It's not your style." "It's not my style." "Sometimes you can change your style." --Crossing Delancey
You miss 100 percent of the shots you never take. --Wayne Gretzky How can so much shyte come out of one dog? --The Snapper
You'll be wanting the shears for that. --The Snapper I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying. --Woody Allen
If you think education is expensive, try ignorance. - Derek Bok "Oh, we don't have money in heaven." "Well it comes in pretty handy down here, bub." --It's a Wonderful Life
"I'm your guardian angel." "I wouldn't be a bit surprised." --It's a Wonderful Life "Cushlamochree!" --Mr. O'Malley
The elephants are restless tonight. --Green Card May God bless and keep the Tsar... far away from us. --Fiddler on the Roof
Oh, my God, the return of Annie Hall. --Crossing Delancey Always handy to have around the house. --Crossing Delancey
One of President Reagan's closest advisers and the man still looks like an unmade bed. --Tom Brokaw on Lyn Nopfzinger, '84 election night I'm a gnu. A gnother gnu! --Flanders and Swann
One camel... moves off. --Flanders and Swann The Giants win the pennant! The Giants win the pennant! --'51 Giants-Dodgers pennant race (and M*A*S*H)
I smell bread... --M*A*S*H I made a snowman and my brother knocked it down, and I knocked my brother down, and then we had tea. --Dylan Thomas
All that I claim for my own sex... is that we love longest after all hope is gone. --Persuasion, Jane Austen Pookah... a fairy spirit in animal form, always very large. The pooka appears here and there, to this one, and to that one, a benign but mischievous creature, very fond of rumpots, crackpots, and how are you Mister Wilson? --Harvey
SURRENDER DOROTHY! --After Hours STELLA! --A Streetcar Named Desire
Louis, this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship. --Casablanca What are you trying to do, guess her weight? --To Have and Have Not
You do know how to whistle, Jim? Just pucker up your lips and blow. --To Have and Have Not Not now, not ever. --Nobody's Fool
Light beer is an invention of the Devil. --Morse Je t'aime --La Balance
Whatever you do, don't mention the war! --Fawlty Towers Wouldn't you just die without Mahler? --Educating Rita
They're always throwing goodness at you, but with a little bit of luck, a man can duck. --My Fair Lady Don't worry, I can walk to the curb from here --Annie Hall
They paved paradise, and put up a parking lot. --Joni Mitchell I'd rather be sentenced off to jail or to congress than to spend all my life with my mother in law. --Duck Donald
You complete me. --from "Jerry Maguire" Stop. You had me from "Hello". --from "Jerry Maguire"
  From now on, ending a sentence with a preposition is something up with which I will not put. --Winston Churchill
Those arrogant Americans... The die is cast. I'm a lily. --You Can't Take It With You
Be strict in what you send, and lenient in what you accept. --IETF The faculty of voluntarily bringing back a wandering attention, over and over again, is the very root of judgement, character and will. --William James
"Do you want to come?" "Ask me again." "Do you want to come?" "Yes!" --Almost Famous What kind of beer? --Almost Famous
You are a jerk. --Almost Famous Mmmm. --Almost Famous
Be honest, and unmerciful. --Almost Famous The dude abides. --The Big Lebowski
At my signal, unleash hell. --Gladiator I think I found the right girl. --Leaving Las Vegas
Tut-tut, it looks like rain. --Christopher Robin Nullius in verba. Don't take anyone's word for it. --Motto of the Royal Society of London
The rest of the time there's just me. And that's not enough. --Educating Rita Yes Mrs Mandelbaum, this one I'll meet. --Crossing Delancey
"A good price?" "A good price." --Crossing Delancey Like a piece of furniture. --Crossing Delancey
Everything's just flying around in the air, he says. --Crossing Delancey "Bubbie, I'm being wooed." "Vas ist vooed?" --Crossing Delancey
Sex is good but not as good as fresh sweet corn. --Garrison Keillor Beware all enterprises that require new clothes. --Thoreau
What a beautiful life I've had. It's a pity I didn't notice it sooner. --Colette Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there. --Will Rogers
A man with a forgetter like i got -- his mind ain't burdened. --The Memory of Old Jack, Wendell Berry Philosophy of science is about as much use to scientists as ornithology is to birds. --Richard Feynman
The great tragedy of science: the slaying of a beautiful hypothesis by an ugly fact. --Thomas Huxley There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary and those who don't. --ThinkGeek T-shirt
I never suffer from temptation. I move right on to gratification. No matter how cynical I get I can never keep up. --Lily Tomlin
All large systems that work start as small systems that work. --Stowe Boyd REST is the Unix pipe of the net. --Kevin Marks
Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air. --Jack Benny "How many musicians in the Beatles?" "Three. And Ringo." --The Thing Called Love
I'm here now and I ain't never leavin'! --The Thing Called Love I divorce you, I divorce you, I divorce you. --The Thing Called Love
Everything about life is in this movie (more or less) --The Thing Called Love There's nothing more country than a freight train. --The Thing Called Love
I cannot bear to think that he is alive in the world and thinking ill of me. --Elizabeth Bennett Years ago my mother used to say... in this world, you must be oh so smart or oh so pleasant. Well, for years I was smart. I recommend pleasant. --Harvey
...and by the way, they're real, and they're spec tacular. --Seinfeld The ladies will save us. --Portrait of a Lady
Stay calm. Be brave. Wait for the signs. And always leave good news alone. --Dead Dog Cafe Libertarians are people who think roads just happen. --Old joke
Wolverines do rock. --Winter Passing Physics is like sex. It may give some practical results, but that's not why we do it. --Richard Feynman
Be joyful though you have considered all the facts. --Wendell Berry A man convinced against his will, is of the same opinion still. --Dick Cavett
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence. --Carl Sagan Unless they're overbred, dogs are, essentially, Southern. --A Prairie Home Companion
If it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet. --Engineers' saying, from Prairie Home Companion An alcoholic is someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do. --Dylan Thomas
He poured the gin into a pitcher and then nodded ritually at the bottle of vermouth across the room. --Barbara Holland on Winston Churchill making a martini Count no man lucky until he has had a good death. --Sioux saying
Wherever you may wander, wherever you may roam, always keep a diamond in your mind. --Tom Waits Health food makes me sick. --Calvin Trillin
I said it before and I'll say it again: no more fuckin' ABBA! --Priscilla, Queen of the Desert Personally I wouldn't marry a man who proposed to me over an invention! --Meet Me In St Louis
Everything I've learned about life can be said in three words. It goes on. --Robert Frost A man who dares to waste one hour of time has not discovered the value of life. --Charles Darwin
Americans are the people who describe their use of alcohol and tobacco as vices. --G.K. Chesterton If there is anyone out there who still doubts that America is a place where all things are possible, who still wonders if the dream of our founders is alive in our time, who still questions the power of our democracy, tonight is your answer. --Barack Obama, Nov 4, 2008
Ok, I'll meet you at the place near the thing where we went that time. --Broadcast News Martinis are like breasts. One isn't enough, and three is too many. --Herb Caen
Isn't it nice that people who prefer Los Angeles over San Francisco live there. --Herb Caen Never in the field of human conflict has so much been owed by so many to so few. --Winston Churchill on the RAF
I don't like to look at Penélope directly. It is too overwhelming. --Woody Allen Philosophy is a series of footnotes to Plato. --Alfred North Whitehead
If you have an apple and I have an apple and we exchange these apples then we each have one apple. But if you have an idea and I have an idea and we exchange these ideas, then each of us will have two ideas. --George Bernard Shaw Data is the sword of the 21st century, those who wield it well, the Samurai. --Jonathan Rosenberg, Google
If Siemens only knew what Siemens knows, it would be a rich company. --Consultant quoted by Tom Friedman We don't seem to be making any headway. --Professor in The Bishop's Wife
I perhaps owe having become a painter, to flowers. --Claude Monet I write so slowly that I could write in my own blood without hurting myself. --Fran Lebowitz
Eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants. --Michael Pollan In cooking you've got to have a what-the-hell attitude. --Julia Child
The trouble with quotes on the internet is that you can never tell if they are genuine. --Abraham Lincoln If we begin to get in touch with whatever we feel with some kind of kindness, our protective shells will melt, and we'll find that more areas of our lives are workable. --Pema Chödrön
Dripping water hollows out stone, not through force but through persistence. --Ovid My storehouse having been burnt down, nothing obstructs my view of the bright moon. --Masahide, Zen poet
Be joyful, though you have considered all the facts. --Wendell Berry I owe God a death, and the earth a pound or so of chemicals. --Wallace Stegner
If I'd had more time, I'd have written a shorter letter. --Mark Twain They say I have ADD but they... Oh look! A chicken! --Seen on a Tshirt by Maryann
I'm just a machine for turning coffee into theorems. --Paul Erdos In 2008, we changed the guard. In 2012, we guard the change. --Michael Blake who ran Obama's Operation Vote. Black voter rate was higher than whites in 2012.
If you find my long sentences annoying, please know that that gives me an enormous amount of pleasure. --Jamaica Kinkaid It's not rocket surgery. --Saying
Muphry’s law: “If you write anything criticising editing or proofreading, there will be a fault of some kind in what you have written.” --The Guardian style guide Serendipity is looking in a haystack for a needle and finding a farmer’s daughter. --Julius Comroe
Who am I to judge? --Pope Francis It takes patience to appreciate domestic bliss; volatile spirits prefer unhappiness. --George Santayana
I would be most content if my children grew up to be the kind of people who think decorating consists mostly of building enough bookshelves. --Anna Quindlen If you decide to alter Nature, you better keep all the parts. --Aldo Leopold
In the spring, at the end of the day, you should smell like dirt. --Margaret Atwood Read much, but not too many books. --Ben Franklin
It is impossible not to love someone who makes toast for you. --Nigel Slater A good science fiction story should be able to predict not the automobile, but the traffic jam. --Frederik Pohl
I realized up there that our planet is not infinite. We look pretty vulnerable in the darkness. --Alan Shepard It is ironic that there is controversy over arming police with cameras in a land of 300 million guns. --BBC commentator
Because it's 2015. --Justin Trudeau on why his cabinet is 50/50 women/men You don’t arrest Voltaire. --DeGaulle on pardoning Sartre in 1968
Things like clever design and cunning programming are useful, but a collection of one-off ideas can’t make up for the lack of an underlying exponential. --Bob Colwell, Pentium chip designer, on the unsustailability of Moore’s Law in 2016 I look forward to having the time to accept the invitations I'll no longer receive. --Robert Siegel on retirement
Two nights ago he added an annual ring to my soul. --Call Me By Your Name, André Aciman We know how to keep the attention on us, because we're the teenagers, and we have the phones. --Emma Gonzalez
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