Top Of My Lungs
Even though I am unhappy I come home singing at the top of my lungs Shovel off the new snow and shove it on the old Open the useless screened porch door and take off my big boots There are fried eggs yellow as pearls The old bed I dive into like a warm whale The phone ringing that duck on the wall And even though I am unhappy I sleep with the peace of flying angels And even though I am sad my wallet's empty I buy the best soap And even though my heart is hurting out of sure will I come home singing with the last night wind and the first morning star and the canary and the summer that was killed below our house I walk down to the Rainbow Café call my Catholic friend Mary to come have a drink and eat a turkey sandwich The down coat I wear all winter still has the goose feathers from a hundred flying birds They let us smoke at our small table Mary will always meet me here They fill your glasses with the most sparking water for free and the cold moon rises over the marquee of the Suburban World theater So even though I am unhappy I throw back my old goat throat and sing slowly "Oh my darlin' Clementine" by the beautiful lake in Minnesota as the pressure of the black night cold moves in on us from all ten directions I sing to the moon above the lake "You are lost and gone forever" calling the pure beast of loneliness down from the sky with the old American song haunting city lights "Dreadful sorry Clementine" and though the very earth has swelled up like an elephant with pain I stand on its back singing in this sad universe where one lover leaves another for all time and nothing to say with your feet on the ground Natalie Goldberg